The New Snap Back: Returning to Your True Self in Motherhood

As mothers, we’re often stretched in a million directions, pulled away from our true selves by external ideas of “good mothering.” A few weeks back, I was in a conversation about this in the Maternal Psychology Lab. I described the experience as a bit like a rubber band: mothers frequently stretch away from themselves, focusing on how they “should” mother based on someone else’s ideas. My role often becomes prompting them to snap back to themselves, returning to their own experience of becoming a mother.

Dr. Aurélie Athan coined it perfectly: “It’s the NEW snap back.” Instead of rushing to “snap back” to an old self post-birth, this is about reclaiming space to feel into our experience of change and growth. This new snap back isn’t about appearance or “bouncing back”; it’s about centering mothers in their journey of transformation.

Decentering Mothers with “Expert” Products and Services

One of the most pervasive threats to a mother’s authentic development is the flood of well-meaning products and services, each touting itself as essential for “better” mothering. Often, these outside “experts” decenter the mother, overshadowing her own instincts.As mothers, we’re often stretched in a million directions, pulled away from our true selves by external ideas of “good mothering.” A few weeks back, I was in a conversation about this in the Maternal Psychology Lab. I described the experience as a bit like a rubber band: mothers frequently stretch away from themselves, focusing on how they “should” mother based on someone else’s ideas. My role often becomes prompting them to snap back to themselves, returning to their own experience of becoming a mother.

This pattern isn’t unique to motherhood, but in this context, it becomes particularly pointed. As a culture, we’re often looking outside ourselves for answers, and many are happy to sell us pre-packaged solutions. For mothers, though, this becomes uniquely insidious. The messaging subtly implies that without these products—without the right foods, toys, clothing, or birth and parenting techniques—mothers might somehow fall short or even jeopardize their child’s well-being.

When society focuses on external achievements in child development, it can inadvertently reduce mothers to mere vehicles for these “tasks,” stifling the personal awareness and trust that are essential to a mother’s own growth and intuition. The new snap back is about playfully challenging these notions, nudging mothers to resist prescriptive identities and return to their inner experience of becoming with renewed awareness and self-trust.

A Lighthearted Look at the “NEW Snap Back” Offenders

As a fun exercise, let’s imagine snapping back from a few common offenders:

• The “Must-Have” Toy Experts: Every year, a new line of “essential” developmental toys arrives, promising to help your child thrive. Snap back to what you know: play and presence with your child mean far more than any must-have gadget.

• The Perfect Parenting Guru: Parenting advice abounds, often contradictory and prescriptive. Snap back to your intuition. You are the expert of your own child and the connection you build each day is more powerful than any one-size-fits-all strategy.

• The Ideal Body Image: Cultural narratives about postpartum bodies can be loud. Snap back to gratitude for all your body has carried and become. The real work of mothering happens from within.

The new snap back invites mothers to re-center, returning to their own unfolding journey. It’s a call to honor and trust the process of becoming—a gentle reminder that the true wisdom of motherhood often lies within.

Ready to Dive Deeper?

If you’re feeling the pull to explore this “snap back” into yourself more deeply, I’d love to support you in a one-on-one session. Together, we’ll create a space for you to listen, reflect, and reconnect with your own wisdom in motherhood. Reach out to learn more about working with me and grounding your journey in your unique experience.